Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Ah yes, that harsh reality did indeed come crashing down. Another negative....I think that makes 33.

Those three happy weeks were a gift. And I know there will be more of that in the future. But this, today, feels like a punishment.

So what does one do when the answer to their greatest desire is 'No' or at least 'Not yet' for the 33rd time?

It's really hard to look down the road and have hope when I know there could be more of this awful feeling in the future. Desperation hits when I start seeing no choice but to withstand more. I can't just turn off my dream of having a family. I can't just dream something else.

So what happens if the answer to the dream continues to be no? What will that do to me? How much can I take? And what would it mean if I couldn't take it anymore?

I don't know. I have no answers.

It's time to binge on chocolate and maybe by Christmas I'll feel better.

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