Sunday, January 30, 2011

Same ol Same ol

Well, so much for posting daily. Things are running along pretty smoothly so there isn't much to say.

My injections are going well. Andrew helps me every night as there is quite a bit of prep work for three medications, which ends up being four needles. Andrew does the prep for the medication that requires mixing ingredients. :) So all I have to do is inject it when he hands me the needle. And even though my tummy is looking more and more dotted with needle-pricks, there is no bruising and no side effects after the initial stinging. Thank goodness!

So all in all, things are going very well. Ultrasound on Wednesday will tell us more.

On the India front there are no changes. We await an offer. And until one arrives I am not doing anything differently at work....ok maybe I'm not as stressed as I might be otherwise. Hey, I may not be there long, so how worked up can I really get!?!

So, same ol' same ol'.....boring. ;P

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

No Plan Planning

Sometimes it's a tiny bit difficult to be at work talking about the next project phase, deadlines, and clients who want me to lead the next project when part of me is thinking, "I may not be here to do any of this."

I've had some experience with this over the last 2.5 years in thinking, "I may not be here in a year because I might have a baby." But this is more like, "I may not be here in 6 weeks because I might be in India looking at homes!"

The husband believes his company is going to want to move through this negotiation process pretty quickly. (We've been told an offer is coming.) He's going to be going back to India in early March for a week for work. It would make sense for me to join him to look at places ...if we're at that stage.

Originally I wasn't thinking we'd be leaving until June or July. I still want that but suddenly the reality is seeming much closer and more 'real.'

So yesterday when I was having a tiny little panic of "oh my goodness this could actually happen!?!" Andrew mentioned the new travel policy: Any flights over 10 hours means you fly business class.

HA! Somehow that little piece of news made a trip to India in March seem so much more appealing and I calmed right down.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

One Day at a Time

Since things are happening so fast and all at the same time, I may end up posting every day this week just to stay on top of the action.

Today: IVF!

Yesterday I went in for my ultrasound and everything looked good....or good enough to start meds. So today I began a 9 day protocol, which includes 3 different medications, which means 4 needles per day .... in my tummy! YIKES!

Between injecting myself and going to accupuncture, I'm going to be a human pin cushion. However, it feels good to be on an action plan, to be doing Something.

Along with the meds, I'm taking very good care of myself. I'm eating very healthy foods. I'm snacking. I'm taking all my vitamins and supplements.

I'm also meditating every night and I'm reminding myself throughout the day to just take it easy and breathe. Because along the line of this whole surrender thing, I need to learn to literally let go. Let go of my tension, my thoughts, my need to control. All I really need is to breathe and then breathe again and again and again....




...still breathing. :)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Opening Doors

Somehow, this very unexpected door, continues to open for us. And somehow, unexpectedly, I continue to be drawn to it. Here's how it started.

Last summer, my husband casually mentioned that his company would probably love to have someone from here re-locate to their India office. He had just taken on a project(s) that would be utilizing the team over there and a business trip to India was in his future.

My initial response was "Well, they can keep on looking because it would take a LOT to entice me to leave Victoria! A LOT!"

My idea of India was coloured by my experience in Japan which was great overall ....except that I lived in poverty in a 9x12 room, ate terribly and lived with a plethora of cockroaches. I imagined living in India would be living in a stifling apartment in unbearable heat, no job or purpose and again being in a culture I didn't fit into but this time with twice as many people and way, way, way more noise and chaos. (At least in the crowds of Japan, everyone was exceedingly quiet, polite and orderly. I meerly had to do the same.)

Needless to say, that uninformed impression did not appeal to this outdoorsy lover of big sky and lots of space.

However, when the business trip to India finally came around in November, the husband went off and did some reconnaissance. He came back with information that gave me a very different impression of what the ex-pat lifestyle could be.

It could be manicured lawns and California-style, air-conditioned housing and a club house with a couple of pools. It could be a safe community where kids play on the streets and in the park and friendly neighbours are out for walks in the evenings. It could be exploring the Indian culture on my terms, with assistance when I need it, and having a safe bubble-community to return to at the end of the day. It could mean having enough income to go travelling for long weekends or vacations to visit other parts of India or Thailand or Malaysia or the Maldives. It could mean a couple of trips home each year to visit friends and family or to continue fertility treatments.

So, very shortly after the business trip, when his boss outlined a job they were hoping to fill in India, one that would allow him to continue to manage a major project that he's already invested in....well, I was much more disposed to consider it a viable way to spend a couple of years.

The commitment would be two years. What's two years, really??

So, several interviews were had, questions were answered, and the initial response is very positive. And my initial investigations for work of my own lead to a very positive response from upper HR in my company. That's right, I may be able to work for my company in our Bangalore office. Crazy!!

Seems like when God opens a door and it just keeps opening, maybe it's a good idea to walk through it. So we're walking.

Right now, we're expecting an offer and looking forward to reviewing the ex-patriation package. We've had several opportunities over the past 2 months to back out, to say we're not really ready or interested or have concerns.

So far, we've said we're interested. We have questions but we're interested. We don't know how long the negotiation process could be. We don't know exactly when they'd want us to move. We don't know what we'd do with my fabulous wonderful cat. We don't know what the next few weeks are going to mean for us regarding fertility/family planning.

All we know is that if this door keeps opening, we'll keep walking through it.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

IVF

I think I mentioned this in December; the beautiful thing about private health care is how quickly things can move.

We decided in December that we weren't going to do any more IUI cycles. With only a 15% success rate it was just too much $$ and heartache and didn't give us any answers. We decided to move to IVF, a 50% success rate. I had an orientation session booked within 3 week and the clinic was ready to start meds with my next cycle.

However, no matter how fast things can happen on the outside, everything has to revolve around what my body is doing on the inside.


My cycle started about two weeks ago but my two subsequent ultrasounds showed that I already have large-ish follicles.... too large for the egg to be viable by the time it's released. The Dr doesn't want to stimulate the ovaries to develop 'old' eggs. My other ovary has a corpus luteum....a hemorrhaging one, apparently they don't know why those sometimes occur. But they do want it to go away. I think it's still around though....I still feel it.

Regardless, The Dr put me on birth control to see how I respond. Since I've done 'well' on it before (we've seen my ovaries quiet down and go about producing follicles in a more orderly and placid manner) we expect the same now. This has meant a 2 week delay on the start of the IVF process/meds. But I'm ok with that. It has allowed me 2 more weeks to get through a crunch period at work. And also allowed me to get more settled in my new food lifestyle. I'm a cooking machine! :)

However, I am looking forward to the cycle starting and as long as Monday's ultrasound shows my ovaries are cooperating, we'll start meds on Tuesday.

I'm feeling quite calm about all this, excited too but in a subdued way. I'm happy to be working with a plan of action. I'm also hoping we'll get some answers from this. If my eggs are no good and I'm truly in premature ovarian failure, then we'll have information that could help us move on to our next step. Right now I think the next step would be adoption.

However, I'm hopeful that we'll get a handful of good embryos from this process and we'll be able to build our family....perhaps not the way we'd most like to but a family none-the-less.

Prayer's are appreciated. I'll keep the blog updated as thing progress.

Proud

I'm ridiculously proud of myself. I'm 9 days into this new eating lifestyle and I'm totally rocking it. I cannot describe the... super-human .... strength of will that has been required for me to do this.

Me, the most non-morning person in the world, who previously could not be expected to remember a single thing outside the normal routine, who eats the same cereal for breakfast for years at a time, who cannot be expected to converse more than a semi-friendly grunt prior to walking into the office door.

Me, who does not enjoy cooking, does not follow recipes and gets overwhelmed thinking of a menu plan or even buying groceries more than a day or so in advance.

I have managed to grind seeds and eat them for breakfast....hot! I have managed to remember not only my lunch in the morning but to bring TWO snacks for the day. I have managed to cook every night! Cook! From scratch, following recipes! Then I package the left-overs up for lunches. I have baked three different things that I've never attempted before! I am organized, I'm focused and the more days that go by, the more this is feeling.....normal.

I am my own super-hero!

I'm glad that's settled.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I Am Woman, I Can Change

Usually when a friend or loved one recommends and lends me a book about food or lifestyle or health, the exact same sequence begins.

There is an initial interest and a quick peruse through the book, then a promise to myself to review in depth later. There is great thought and excitement around the possibility of change; I'm eager and energized.

Then I sit down to read and as I read I'm sold on the ideas pesented. But then I keep reading and quickly end up overwhlemed, frustrated, dejected and sure there is no way I can possibly implement the kind of change required to really improve my health and change my eating habits.

Then I put the book aside for later when I'm not overwhelmed....and it never gets picked up again.

That is usually the way of things....until now. Until Now, Folks!! On Monday I read an anti-inflammatory diet and recipe book and then I followed through!

To give credit where it is due, part of the reason this worked this time is:
1. the beginning of the book was short and to the point, after 60 pages I was in to recipes! So just when I was totally overwhelmed, I had tasty food to imagine.
2. the recipes were not wierd, they were short and relatively simple
3. I started reading early in the day....a day when I had no other plans. I was not about to go to bed. I was looking forward to lunch and very conscious of what I was going to put into my body.

So the first thing I did was pick some recipies that I thought I could manage and I prepared a grocery list....it was very, very long. The grocery list was made up from 6 recipies I intend to try over the next week including dinners, breakfasts and snack foods. Then I hit the grocery store....not just any store. The Planet Organic! $260 later I came home.

And now that I have dedicated an entire day of my life and have invested $260 in ingredients and food stuffs, I need to use it! So far, I've made organic, wheat-free banana muffins, and zucchini bread. I've also eaten seeds for breakfast....yeah seeds with rice beverage and half a banana.

I am IN folks! I am resolved! I am going to be the most anti-inflammatory person in the wor...in the cit....in the neighbourhood! I am sure of it! :) And I'm kicking winter's ass along the way.