Friday, March 18, 2011

Happiness and Awe

What a week!

Sunday was the start of morning sickness. Although there is nothing restricting it to morning. Basically I've found if I eat a lot of protein and eat a lot (many days every hour on the hour) I'm able to stay quite comfortable. I'll do whatever I can to keep from throwing up! My new super-power sense of smell does not help me in this endeavour.

Tuesday I found my anxiety mounting....for no reason I felt like crying at work all afternoon. I was stressed and felt miserable and ultimately I decided I was just really anxious about the ultrasound on Wednesday. (I was exactly 7 weeks on Wed.) There was no concrete reason to worry but emotion is not logical. That night A and I talked about it, he was super excited about the appointment and I just wanted to cry.

Wednesday morning passed very quickly. I went to work to keep myself busy and I felt excitement more than anxiety about the appointment. Both A and I arrived early and ended up having to wait for a bit in the waiting room. We'd been there so many times but never for an appointment like this, never riding this wave of happiness and nervousness of knowing we are expecting.

We were ushered into the exam room pretty quickly but then had to wait quite a while for the doctor. By this time we were happy to be there and pretty calm and this gave us time to chat. We talked about the great picture on the wall showing the ovulation and implantation stages and how amazing it is that we're past that point now. We talked about looking forward to Hawaii.

I finally asked, "OK if you had to bet right now, what do you think? Twins?"
He barely even hesitated, "I think it's twins."
"So do I!" I quickly answered a little nervously.
"Won't be long now and we'll know," A calmly replied.

Just a few minutes later the doctor and nurse came in. The ultrasound was set up and the first thing I could see on the screen was a black blob but I didn't see anything in it. Then it looked like from another perspective there was something in it.

Before my worry could mount too high the doctor said, "Well, are you ready for a shock?"
I think both A and I said "It's twins?"
"It's twins!"

It's TWINS people!!! Twins! Two babies! Two amazing, gorgeous little lives just starting out!

We laughed. We held hands. We watched in amazement as the doctor pointed out and took snapshots of baby A and baby B and both together. In spite of their being just the size of blueberries right now, they have tiny fluttering heartbeats that we could see on the ultrasound. It was surreal.

We were speechless and thrilled and scared and overwhelmed and in awe. We didn't know what to ask or what this meant. But I did have a list of questions that I dutifully asked and I concluded with, "I'm 5 foot 2 and 110 pounds. Can my body DO this?"

The answer is that this is a high risk pregnancy, twins always are. That means close monitoring with visits to my regular doctor and an obstetrician as well. It also means more folic acid and more vitamin D and more good healthy food and we'll just take this a week at a time.

This week I'm thrilled and amazed and feeling incredibly blessed. I love them both. I want them both.

Twins! Life will never be the same... :)