Thursday, July 28, 2011

Birthday #34

First some photo updates. This is me at 24 weeks and 26lbs weight gain:
26 weeks and I think about 28lbs gained:

And now.... hello 34! You mark the start of my mid-thirties. I've been both looking forward to and dreading you.

Prior to March you loomed on the horizon with a big 'what if' attached. What if I'm in my mid-thirties and still struggling to have a family? Since getting pregnant you have marked the 26 week mark, which spells the end to some of my agonizing about the babies being born too soon.

I'm incredibly grateful to be where I am today in big ways and small.

It's amazing to be looking forward to a year filled with new and exciting changes and challenges. It's great to not be busting my butt at work, under a bunch of stress. It's great to have friends and family who help me pass my hours.

We just recently had my great friend Hillary and her 5 year old daughter Annie visiting. They took good care of me physically and mentally. They had a very busy visiting schedule while they were here but I loved being able to spend the days looking forward to their return and chatting non-stop whenever they were home. They took the pressure off of my poor husband as my main form of entertainment. :) The house is very quiet and sad without them here this week.

I'm also grateful for a good laptop to stay connected and shop online while under 'house arrest.' Kudos go to my husband who insisted on buying it for me as something he could do to "help take care of his family." (Aaaw, trigger the tears.) And it is lovely to have this time to enjoy the peace and quiet of my home before these two little ones arrive and make a whole lot of noise. :)

The not-so-great-side of life right now is that I'm lonely being on my couch all day long. And when I have really uncomfortable or painful days, I'm scared of what it may mean. Also, I do battle with myself daily over tasks.... see what I really, REALLY want to do is go for long walks in the sunshine, run errands, go shopping and get my house all super organized and do all those house work, cleaning, organizing, nesting things that will make me feel like I'm ready to focus on babies. Instead, I have to stay quietly on my couch. This is incredibly frustrating.

Bedrest is really a psychological battle that is the most difficult to wage when the rules are unclear. If the doctor gave me really clear orders, I'd follow them. But when the orders are to just not exert myself and not walk too much, well, there is a lot of no-man's-land in there. Is laundry exertion? How many times up and down the staircase is too many? Does an hour on the couch balance out an hour cooking and cleaning up the kitchen? Or should that be a 2 to 1 ratio? I want clear rules and they don't give them to me. Maybe I can ask for specifics at my apt tomorrow morning.

Good idea!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

26 Weeks!

Woohooo! We've made it to 26 weeks and all is well!

Today's ultrasound showed our baby boy is 1lb 12oz and our baby girl is 1lb 11oz, which is normal for a singleton. Cervix is now looking like about 3.7cm. I don't know if that has improved due to my being so 'good' with my activity these past two weeks but now the OB is happy to allow me to be more active.

That said, the pain and discomfort that I feel will most definitely only get worse. I'm a small person carrying twins, this is par for the course. I will just need to deal with it as it comes. Resting does help, so there won't be any marathon shopping trips around the corner.

However, I am allowed to go out and get some things done, which feels like a great priviledge. I still need to run this past my family doctor and I certainly won't go overboard but I'm really happy!

Pictures to come shortly.

Friday, July 22, 2011


Last week, in spite of my worry or perhaps because of it, I continued to look at furniture for the nursery. I found a great deal and was then agonizing over whether to purchase or put it off....put it off until I felt more secure. I finally decided to think the best and I went ahead and purchased two cute cribs.

Yesterday I got a call that they arrived and are ready for pick up any time.

Cribs! Ready for bring home, to a nursery .... for babies! My babies!

This is SO exciting!! This is better than Christmas!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Pink or Blue or Purple

When we found out we were pregnant, I was thrilled, beyond thrilled. I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl or twins as long as they arrived healthy and we got to be parents.
When we found out it was twins I felt the same. However, given the additional work and preparation that would go along with twins we also agreed to find out the sexes as soon as we could. Knowing that the babies are fraternal, we talked about 2 boys and 2 girls and one of each. We talked about the imagined benefits and realities of each scenario.
I couldn't help but think that they would be boys. Boys have been such a big part of my life - first my baby brother, then the twins and their brother I babysat growing up. And my family already has girls, my two beautiful nieces. Their home is covered in pink. I could imagine mine covered in blue.
However, when the ultrasound showed their profiles at 13 weeks and they looked so different, I became convinced it was a boy and a girl. And so I waited and waited for the chance to find out .... but I was pretty sure.
And I was right!
It was an amazing feeling, hearing those words from the doctor, "Baby A is a boy and baby B is a girl."
I'm so excited, feel so blessed that not only will we get to be parents but get to experience it with a son and a daughter. Our house will be covered in all the colours of the rainbow. :)

We're at 25 weeks. Both babies move every day, some days more than others. It reassures me.
It's lovely that children can reassure parents.... I wonder if that will be a common thread going forward.


Quick update: The doctor called yesterday. She wants to remain causious and I'm not supposed to walk around much but I don't have to be lying down, which is good.
My belly definitely has a new shape to it. Baby A is low, noticibly lower than 2 weeks ago and when he kicks a certain way he's tap, tap, tapping on my bladder. Sometimes I need to pee desperately two minutes after I just went.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Breathing easier

If I hadn't heard from the hospital by noon, I was going to take matters into my own hands. I was going to call our fertility clinic and ask for a favour - to get the ultrasound done there.

See we've officially graduated and are no longer patients of the clinic or the doctor there. However, this doctor is wonderful and he actually kept us longer than necessary just to feel more comfortable with how the pregnancy was progressing. He admits he has a hard time letting go of patients, especially when it's a high risk/twin scenario. I know that he has all the necessary technology to check up on the babies and my cervix. And I know he'd be very interested/ concerned if anything were going wrong. I was prepared to ask for the favour.

However, 9:30 Thursday morning, the hospital called with an apt time - Friday at noon. I stayed lying down all day Wednesday and Thursday. Friday I felt a little nervous. I'd prayed all I could pray and there was nothing to do but give this to God.

The tech couldn't get a good view of the cervix. She poked and pushed and tried different angles but my uterus and baby A were just too far down. (Interestingly, the babies are now transverse lying sideways instead of A on the right and B on the left.) So we had to go to an internal ultrasound instead.

I held my breath and waited, gave the tech lots of time to look and do her measurements. Finally I asked how long it was. She said 3 or 3.2. After I heard 3 relief flooded through me and I didn't hear or remember the exact number. Andrew and I held hands and I fought back tears.

3cm is still shorter than it was (3.8 two weeks ago) and there are other changes which the doctor was concerned about. However, the fact that it isn't 2cm or less is great news! If it had gone from 3.8 to 2 in two weeks and continued at that rate, then it would be gone by the time I reached 26 weeks and there wouldn't be anything holding these babies in.

So now I wait to hear from the doctor to see what she recommends. Regardless, I plan to stay lying down or in a reclined position during the day until I reach 26 weeks. I'll take any pre-emptive measure that I think may help until they are big enough to survive.

Today I am breathing huge sighs of relief and feeling incredibly blessed. Today is a good day.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Un-honeymoon ... aka trying not to freak out

All was going so well. The 22 week ultrasound showed everything looked good. I was feeling confident enough to be planning a little trip up island - just an hour's drive to spend a few days at my parents with my nieces. I was eagerly looking forward to the 26 week mark, confident we'd get there and breathe a sigh of relief that 30 weeks was going to be no problem.

Then, yesterday, I had my 24 week apt and my doctor found my cervix had changed. Two weeks earlier the ultrasound showed it was still at a solid 3.8 cm, which is fantastic. Yesterday the doctor guessed it to be more like 2cm and it had shifted position and wasn't as firm as it previously was.

This is not good news. This is scary. It doesn't help that I know someone who found a similar issue at 24 weeks, and ended up delivering at 26 weeks. I know the scary side of what can happen.

The next step is to get an ultrasound as soon as possible to determine the exact length of the cervix. Hopefully that will happen this week. In the meantime, the doctor said to stay still, no activity, stay on the couch.

I'm taking this advice one step further and lying down rather than sitting and severely restricting my up time (walking,standing) to the bare minimum. Needless to say, I'll do anything that might help these two little ones.

Prayer's appreciated.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Honeymoon Stage

I'm now 23 weeks, 5 full months and smack in the middle of what they call the honeymoon phase of the pregnancy. Babies are both 1lb and growing well.

I can understand why they call it the honeymoon phase. There are days where I'm in awe of my body and absolutely love feeling the babies move all day. I'm still quite mobile and can eat all I want and I have pretty good energy....even though I'm not allowed to exert it physically. Those are great things.

However, I also still have days filled with unusual pains and a lot of worry. Days where I'm wishing away this time until I reach week 26. (If I can just get to week 26, they'll have a chance at surviving.) I already have nights where I can't sleep due to restless legs or hip/back pain and can only lie on my side as now the babies are too heavy to lie on my back. Those days and nights are not good times.

My long weekend was awesome I was feeling great and feeling more confident that all was well. Then yesterday was a bad day, a stressful painful day. Andrew came home and could tell pretty quickly that I was not in a good place.

He suggested a pickle. :) I blew him off. A pickle was not going to make the pains go away or make the worry stop.

I grumpily suggested we make dinner - left overs and a caesar salad. I started washing lettuce, he started making gravy. As I stood at the sink with my hands in the cold water we talked, me mildly upset. I don't recall exactly what I was saying.

Suddenly he was beside me, with a pickle on a fork for me to bite into. I smirked and took a bite, then another as he held the fork patiently waiting for me to finish. And suddenly... things actually were a little better.....I felt better, lighter. And I told him so.

Thank God for sympathetic husbands.....and pickles.

This picture was taken a week ago at 22 week and I'm already noticeably larger.