Thursday, July 28, 2011

Birthday #34

First some photo updates. This is me at 24 weeks and 26lbs weight gain:
26 weeks and I think about 28lbs gained:

And now.... hello 34! You mark the start of my mid-thirties. I've been both looking forward to and dreading you.

Prior to March you loomed on the horizon with a big 'what if' attached. What if I'm in my mid-thirties and still struggling to have a family? Since getting pregnant you have marked the 26 week mark, which spells the end to some of my agonizing about the babies being born too soon.

I'm incredibly grateful to be where I am today in big ways and small.

It's amazing to be looking forward to a year filled with new and exciting changes and challenges. It's great to not be busting my butt at work, under a bunch of stress. It's great to have friends and family who help me pass my hours.

We just recently had my great friend Hillary and her 5 year old daughter Annie visiting. They took good care of me physically and mentally. They had a very busy visiting schedule while they were here but I loved being able to spend the days looking forward to their return and chatting non-stop whenever they were home. They took the pressure off of my poor husband as my main form of entertainment. :) The house is very quiet and sad without them here this week.

I'm also grateful for a good laptop to stay connected and shop online while under 'house arrest.' Kudos go to my husband who insisted on buying it for me as something he could do to "help take care of his family." (Aaaw, trigger the tears.) And it is lovely to have this time to enjoy the peace and quiet of my home before these two little ones arrive and make a whole lot of noise. :)

The not-so-great-side of life right now is that I'm lonely being on my couch all day long. And when I have really uncomfortable or painful days, I'm scared of what it may mean. Also, I do battle with myself daily over tasks.... see what I really, REALLY want to do is go for long walks in the sunshine, run errands, go shopping and get my house all super organized and do all those house work, cleaning, organizing, nesting things that will make me feel like I'm ready to focus on babies. Instead, I have to stay quietly on my couch. This is incredibly frustrating.

Bedrest is really a psychological battle that is the most difficult to wage when the rules are unclear. If the doctor gave me really clear orders, I'd follow them. But when the orders are to just not exert myself and not walk too much, well, there is a lot of no-man's-land in there. Is laundry exertion? How many times up and down the staircase is too many? Does an hour on the couch balance out an hour cooking and cleaning up the kitchen? Or should that be a 2 to 1 ratio? I want clear rules and they don't give them to me. Maybe I can ask for specifics at my apt tomorrow morning.

Good idea!


  1. Awwwww....thanks Stacey! We loved our visit too, and miss you like crazy.

    You look beautiful. Happy Birthday!

  2. You look fabulous friend!