Thursday, August 25, 2011

Rotten, no-good day

What happens when you try to exist on 4 hours of very interrupted, pain-filled sleep coupled with very low iron and a bit of stress thrown in? Meltdown!
That combination lead me to one of the worst days ever yesterday. Nothing was terribly wrong but nothing was right. I felt physically awful, downright sick at times and yet couldn't sleep much. No amount of food helped and I wasn't hungry. I couldn't think clearly or drum up energy to do a single thing. I was in a total fog. By the end of the day I just broke down crying....although nothing was particularly wrong. I just had nothing left in me but emotion and the very thought of having to do anything (like attempt sleeping at night) or endure anything (like childbirth) was utterly inconceivable. I had nothing left in me.
This was my first experience with a hormonal crying jag. It felt different than other crying jags. It was pure emotion with little context, just tears needing to be shed, child like, and when they started they continued effortlessly until I chose to be an adult again. I felt like I'd been cleansed afterwards. Although those tears and the emotion is still just under the surface for me today I have some wearwithall to keep it in check and I feel capable of doing whatever needs doing.
Such a strange experience to be totally besieged by emotion and exhaustion.
I venture to guess this will not be an isolated incident.
6 weeks to go.

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