Sometimes it was because I would have to fight back tears seeing all the baby products. Often I just felt conspicuous being there. Felt like I had a label on my back stating that I did not belong there.... may never belong. And in a mall I would never, ever go into a children's clothing store. Would not even cast my eyes in that direction.
And now that I need things in those isles and stores, I cannot help but feel an almost overwhelming sense of privilege when I ponder the products there. When I am leaving a store and everything in my cart screams èI have children!È I want to slow down so people can see it. I know no one else cares but it just means so much to me that I still sometimes want to shout it from the rooftops.
I love telling people I have twins and I love being out in the world with Sam and Rachel. Being their Mommy is a privilege every day.
This week I got a hug from Rachel, my first very deliberate hug from her. It felt amazing!!