Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Transitioning together

I did it!
I went to work like a real grown up professional person. (Made the hubby do the drop offs to ease me into work life.) This first week was super easy, didn't do much but get set up and read through some docs to familiarize myself with the contract. And I only checked in with the daycare once each day.
Sam and Rachel are doing great! They cry at drop off when Andrew leave them but they recover fairly quickly (apparently). They have long naps and are eating pretty much the same as they do at home.
They are happy to see me at the end of the day. They pause, looking at me for a moment to make sure it's me and shy smiles spread across their faces as they start crawling as fast as they can to me. It's lovely .... for 3 minutes and then we have to go and they don't want to be put down or go into the carseats. So the reunion becomes a screaming fight. I hope that will stop soon.
Apparently Rachel gets upset during the day if any grown ups leave the room. She goes after them crying. Sam on the other hand sees Rachel leaving and cries and follows her, crawls on top and pins her down so she can't leave.
Bit of a gong show there but so typical of their relationship. :)
The sitter is enjoying seeing how they interact and I think she's bonding with them and them with her. That's a relief!
I get an written summary of their day and I think they are in great hands and handling the transition well. They both sleep really really well at night so they definitely aren't traumatized by any means.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Twin Bits

Rachel has 3 teeth! And she really wants to use them .... on real food, not any baby stuff. Sam has 4 teeth and still prefers totally smooth foods. Sigh.

Sam is practising taking steps every day. So far I've seen three in a row. They are very unsteady and he always ends up collapsing in a forward lurch, usually into our arms. Love!

Rachel is learning to dance. Every time she hears music she starts to move.

Both of them are talking using multiple sounds. Lots of nananam maaana gugugud duddudadada and then all the vowels alone. The house is burbling with noises when they are awake.

Sam blows bubbles with his saliva throughout the day.

Rachel gurgles or gargles her milk for her own amusement or to make us laugh. Not sure which.

They both continue to LOVE peek-a-boo with each other and with anyone else. And they have started mimicking actions. I put something on my head, then they want to put it on my head too. I pick up a cheerio to feed them, they take it and put it down again so they can pick it up themselves. Adorable!

Tomorrow I go to work and someone else gets to see and hear their antics all day long. Sad.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The gifts of Grandma

Dear Sam and Rachel,
Your Grandma loves you. Adores you. Would do anything in her power to help you in this life.
As I type this she is in our kitchen crying over chopping a particularly strong onion because the mini-food processor is too loud and you are both currently asleep.... and we want you to stay that way.
This week she is here for a cooking marathon, which will fill our freezer(s) and keep us in easy meals for months as I start back to work and you both begin daycare three days/week.
You have started slowly integrating into daycare this week which has kept you out from underfoot for a couple of days. When you are here you both want to be in the kitchen where the action is, where the noise is, where the Grandma is.
Rachel, you particularly like to challenge Grandma's fortitude by hopping on your knees, arms raised, asking to be picked up. You want to see what's going on and you don't understand or care for any reasons why you shouldn't be held. Grandma caves pretty quickly.
We are all embarking on a new phase of our lives and I'll write much more about the transition in days to come. Tonight, you are tucked in bed, exhausted, beautifully asleep, while your Grandma works to make our lives easier.
We are so blessed.
Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma D

Sunday, October 14, 2012

One Year Olds

We did it!!
One whole year old. Their infancy is over and their toddling years are ahead.
Yesterday Sam took his first halting, stumbling steps unassisted. I'm not sure it was deliberate but we're calling them steps. Rachel started bum dancing this week to the Kaloo music, I couldn't believe my eyes. I strongly encouraged it. She also repeated Mumm when I asked her to and to celebrate her first birthday, she cut her first tooth last night.
We held a small party. People dropped in and had snacks and Andrew's homemade chilli. We opened gifts and sang happy birthday and had cake. We took many bad photos because, hey, it's really hard to get pics of two babies doing a difficult activity like present opening.
Sam and Rachel both worked hard to open presents but Rachel kept getting distracted by her desire to rip and eat the tissue paper and Sam liked the bags so much he didn't care about what was inside.
However, the gifts were a hit and we now have new toys clothes and books. Hooray!
I love that they are a whole year old. I love that they are growing up and I wish time would slow down and that they'd grow more slowly.....all their developmental milestones are about to heap on top of eachother, first teeth, words, steps.
And the next few months are going to fly by with halloween and then Christmas. It's going to be such a busy time....for the next 18 years. :)

Bring it on.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Nearly a year

Changes are happening so fast for all of us, within all of us.
I've been working through some of the emotional baggage from the babies birth and subsequent 4 months. In doing so I've found quite a bit of peace around the births and all the interventions that were required for us all - induction, epidural, vacuum for Sam.
But I still find myself disappointed and guilty about Rachel's time in the NICU. If I were the person then that I am now, I would have argued to have her with me.  I would have been fierce about it if necessary, even if it just got me more answers as to why she needed special care. I don't think she did need any special care, they were just being cautious. But caution wasn't needed for Rachel, what she needed and what I needed was for us to be together.
However, that is said and done. And I'm finding some peace in my disappointment in myself.
What I haven't found peace with is the first 4 months of their lives.
I struggle with so SO many aspects of that time. I'm haunted by it. Nothing will ever be that horrible again. My body falling apart, succumbing to infection while feeling completely overwhelmed with how much they needed and how little I could give. I lived in utter FEAR for them. Particularly after Sam's first choking incident.
Having to give up the care of your newborn to someone else, even if it's someone you totally trust (Thank you Mom!!) is a horrible feeling. Having to do so for months on end is sickening. I feel sick thinking of it.
It will probably take years for me to fully accept how things had to be those first 4 or 5 months.
And the blessing is that I get to be their Mom forever. Our future is not defined by our beginning. And as they quickly move from being babies to being toddlers, I get to delight in all they are blossoming into. I so look forward to getting to know them through all the stages of their lives.
I thought that this first year, this year at home with them, was going to be the pinnacle of enjoyment, of motherhood. But it's just the very beginning, we have so much to experience together along this road as a family.
Together! A family! I love those words.