Monday, May 20, 2013

Good days getting better

We have hit on some good days recently, not perfect but really good.
Recently on one of my two days at home alone with the kids we ran out in the morning to do some errands and then home for snack and naps. They didn't nap very long, just 1.5 hours when they've been doing 2 or 3 all week long but they woke up happy. That makes mommy happy too!
It did give me a chance to clean up the house a bit and then lie down myself for a short while to recoup. After naps we did lunch and played until some friends came over... One with a tiny 17 day old little girl.
Nothing makes kids look like giants like putting them next to a newborn. My little toddler giants looked down right menacing next to her tiny helpless little being. It was interesting trying to keep them entertained while visiting with my friend. Overall they we're great but it definitely gave me a different perspective on our lives.
We've reached a point where things are very manageable....hectic sometimes, often hard and physically tiring but really manageable. Easy compared to those first impossible agonizing few months. Seeing a newborn brought back some of those memories... Pulled them up right in front of me. And I realized how grateful I am, yet again, that we are way past that newborn stage. I'm so proud that we all survived it and relieved that I most likely will never ever have to experience it again (because only a cruel God would give us twins again) and overjoyed at seeing how big and sturdy my two teensy babies have grown. I revel in how robust they are and each new physical feat that they work on, from kissing to fork control to two foot hops to throwing themselves face first onto a soft bed just to feel how it feels and make a big 'whumpf.'
Seeing that tiny girl today didn't fill me with longing. It made me feel a little envious that I didn't have just one baby to care for but mostly it made me feel that if there is another baby in our future, I think he or she can wait. Maybe for quite a while.
And here's why.
We're finally at this stage of 'manageable' and we all deserve the opportunity to enjoy it to its' utmost!!
 I'm planning a trip to Calgary this week with just Rachel and although I know it will require a lot of effort and forethought, I am in really excited about it. It has taken a year and a half to get here to this place of having energy to spare for an adventure. For over a year I wondered if I'd ever feel that way again. But here I am and I want this to last for a good long time.
Now I may be tilting at windmills when I talk about having more children. Lets face it, I've only got one more embryo on ice and I know I won't go through IVF again. I guess there is always the possibility of natural conception but frankly that seems like a myth to me... You know unicorns, flying pigs, natural conception. All in the same category.
Anywhoooo I digress.
What I've come to realize over the past few months as we have settled into this lifestyle with the kids is that things are just going to keep getting better and better, easier and easier. There will always be challenges but our ability to live our lives and go on adventures will just increase as they get older. And if that one last little hope of an embryo isn't meant to be, I am okay with that.  In fact I'm more than okay with that, I'm incredibly blessed and can be content with that.
I think I'd always have a small hope that the mythical natural conception would happen (... Lets face it, I'm never going to use another contraceptive as long as I live) but I think I'm completely happy with my two lovies, my two perfect babes. And I'm okay with our journey through parenthood being with them.

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