Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Looong weekends

Long weekends are good for everyone. Especially when they include a visit from my Mom and Dad who love the kids and who the kids know and trust. They even gave hugs right away to my Mom who they hadn't seen in over a month! Andrew and I actually got out for a dinner, just the two of us, which we haven't had since the beginning of April.
We spent Canada day morning at the park and then came home for snack and naps. The afternoon was a quick lunch and then off to the Canada day celebrations with lots of sunscreen and plenty of snacks. The kids were great, way better than I'd hoped actually. I figured the heat would make them cranky but it really didn't. There was a nice breeze to keep them happy and we didn't stop moving the whole time we were out.
We were home by 4 for a much needed dip in the pool on our deck. By then the water was bath temperature warm and Andrew cooled it down by bringing the sprinkler up on the deck and letting them play with it in the pool. That kept them happy for a whole hour! Rachel was particularly thrilled with it and even when the water eventually ran very cold she didn't stop playing with it until she was shivering and her lips were blue. A good snuggle in the towel with Daddy helped warm her up.
Sam spent most of his time bailing the water out of the pool onto the deck, which helped cool it down for our feet so we weren't going to complain. He's working on his two syllable words: waadl, waaduur, wadhu. He saw a lot of water this weekend due to the great heat wave and so he had plenty of reason to be pointing it out all the time.
Thank God for long weekends, Grandparents, and plans for change as we move forward.

.... I wrote this a week ago, not sure why it didn't post when I scheduled it to.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Pics ... cuz there aren't enough of them here

Rachel as Obiwan
 Sam Skywalker... or maybe a little Yoda?
 Bedtime stories

More bedtime stories.... that is a futon mattress on the floor of the nursery where Mommy or Daddy sleeps with Sam when he wakes up in the middle of the night and 'needs' us to stay with him. It lived there for just over 2 weeks and was used nightly... it may come back anytime.
 Sam loves all things mechanical, especially things that make noise and he can push around. The vacuum is his favourite thing in the whole world right now.
 Two little monkey's tucked into Mommy and Daddy's bed. Rachel loves pulling covers up over herself.
 Rachel working on walking in Mommy's high heels!
 Start the CAAR! Rachel fit perfecting in the Ikea bag.
Sam never cared much for pull toys that rolled along behind him. But a heavy blender with rubber feet that bangs and jolts and thumps behind him is perfect.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Complaining Works

I had a friend once tell me that I take setbacks too well. I'm starting to agree. This 'stiff upper lip' thing, this 'I can do it I just have to try harder' thing, this 'I will find a way and it will all be better soon, I'm sure' thing..... it's a load of crap.
As soon as I complained publicly about how crap things were (see last post) everything got better. That night the kids slept better and sleep has continued to improve since then. Last night we had a perfect night. Both kids slept 7:30 - 6:30. Beautiful, beautiful sleeeeeeep!! I can't remember the last time that happened, it's been months.
Maybe it has nothing to do with the complaining and things just ran their course but I have to wonder what is the benefit of keeping quiet and hunkering down? What is the benefit of putting it out to the world that things suck? I don't expect help but if help shows up on my doorstep, I'm grateful for it. Help doesn't have a chance of showing up if no one knows it's needed.
I guess the issue I have is, I don't want to be someone who cries wolf. I want to be someone who if I'm saying something is wrong, people know it's really really wrong. But what if I really need help and no one is there to help?
Only once in my life have I been in a situation where things were desperate and I was crumbling and I did not get the support I needed. I asked for it as clearly as I was capable of asking at that time and it didn't come...not in the way we all needed (I count all of us as me, my Mom and Andrew because we all needed additional support in those first 4 months and we didn't get it.) So I resumed my 'I have to handle this on my own cuz there is no more help available' stance and we got through it. We coped.
I don't want to cope through these early years, I want to enjoy them. That's why I went on medication when the babies were 3.5 months old. That's why I'm considering going back on it again.
And I know things are on the upswing.... the kids are healthy, the sun is shining, work is slowing down, so do I really need meds or do I just need more time? I don't know at what point to draw the line. I do know there are other things that would also help. So I'm going to start putting those other things into action first and we'll see how things go.
Starting this week, every Tuesday is my night 'off.' As of 7:30, I'm officially free to do whatever I want. In addition, I'm going to start walking again, not with the kids, I do that plenty enough. What I need is 'off-duty' hours where I know I won't be called on for anything. I'm also going to find a way to have monthly date nights with my hubby because it benefits us greatly to have alone time away from home with no possibility of interruption. I'm also going to schedule regular massages because DANG my back works insanely hard picking these two kids up aaall day long, sometimes at the same time and it hurts. Physical pain and discomfort does not help mental stress, it aggravates it.
So that's where I'm at.....
And in other can wait till tomorrow or whenever. :)