If you've been reading this blog for years, or have read back through the archives, or are someone who knows me and we talk fertility, which probably covers everyone who reads this blog, then you know we gave one embryo remaining from our IVF cycle with the twins.
Sam and Rachel were our fresh cycle and one embryo made it to the freezing stage. Since the day I learned that it would be frozen, day 6, I have thought of it as our hope. I have thought of it, prayed for it, continued to hope that one day I'd be brave enough to try this again when the twins were older.
When the twins were little I put it in the far back of my mind. The idea of having extra energy or the ability to split my attention further seemed ludicrous. However, slowly but surely as they get older life gets easier and I think about our little hope more and more.
Frankly, I have a fantasy of what it would be like to care for just one little baby. (And two three year olds of course.) I fantasize about getting a second chance at this motherhood thing. A chance to do it better, have it just a little easier. When people have singletons they must experience that desire too, not just a desire for another child but the desire to experience it all again a (slightly more relaxed?) second or third time: all the wonderful firsts that a child goes through, that you go through as you learn to know your child.
I want that.
And so we begin our journey again. It all takes time, it's not going to be an overnight thing. Right now I'm on antibiotics for some inflammation that can affect implantation. I may start meds as soon as Thursday if all goes well.
Because this is a frozen embryo transfer (FET) it's a whole lot less invasive than a full IVF cycle. No needles in the stomach, no retrieval. Just a few pills, some ultrasounds and a transfer if the thaw goes well.
We're very hopeful. :)