So much about the ivf process leaves me waiting and anxious and with more questions than answers.
You wait for the first ultrasound to see how the lining is doing. Then you wait for the blood test results. If anything is off, you wait for the plan of action which usually involves more tests and waiting and not being able to plan your life because of all the 'what ifs.'
My lining looked good at the ultrasound but I had a follicle growing in spite of being suppressed so we had to wait for it to ovulate before starting the new meds which prepare me for the transfer.
Regardless, I'm now on the new meds and the transfer is scheduled for Thursday.
It's a big deal this transfer. It's our chance to expand our family. Maybe not the only chance we will ever have but by far the best chance we'll ever have. We have about a 50-60% chance that this will work. Compared to about 5-10% chance of conceiving naturally.... Supposedly that is. But when 3.5 years of unprotected sex yields 0 results, one can't help but think natural conception is a myth and the odds are more like 0%.
So I'm holding on till Thursday, being thankful for all my body has accomplished and recovered from in the past and choosing to trust in god when it all seems like too much.
I trust that asking for another child is not selfish.
I trust that if it works, the twins will make great big siblings.
I trust that there is lots of love in this family and we will be able to add to it without becoming unhinged.
I trust that if this doesn't work, we can still have hope for another.
And I trust that if this doesn't work, I will be able to find great contentment and joy with my two fabulous children.