Monday, March 31, 2014

So I remember

Just in case I should ever forget, not that I did after the first pregnancy, this nausea business is disgusting! I love what it means but I hate how it feels.
It's rough trying to keep up with two toddlers when I feel like I'm going to retch. However, I also think the effort I put into smiling and reading to them and playing and making snacks also keeps me from fixating on how bad I feel.
With the twin pregnancy I remember starting to feel better around 14 weeks and really wasn't struggling at all by 16 weeks. So I'm counting down the weeks.... 6.5 before things improve. I think I can I think I can I think I can
One good thing about these days is that Sam and Rachel are really great 2.5 year olds. I can't believe I worried about age 2, everything just gets easier the more they can speak. Their comprehension has always been fantastic but their patience is improving more every week and they are sharing better and taking turns without freaking out, they even say please and excuse me.... To each other!We haven't had a timeout in weeks!  I just adore this age.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Numbers are good

I'm a numbers person. I like things that can be quantified. I love knowing the beta numbers that provide proof that I'm actually pregnant.
However, after the second confirmation (which the Dr needs) I have resisted going back for more blood tests.
I could. I have a standing order for the whole month.
But the Dr was happy with the second numbers and the ultrasound is scheduled for March 26, which will verify the heartbeat. And verify that it's only one little babe, not identicals.... of any number. I've got to admit, I had a nightmare about having identical quintuplets. It was nooot pretty!
And although I'm not really feeling significant pregnancy symptoms, I am quite confident all is well. And I think I can make it one more week before I need reassurance.
Grow little Hope, grow.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Happily Hopeful

I'm happy to say Hope is still here! I feel so completely blessed.
My initial reaction was surprise, then tears. How could we get so lucky?
My blood test came back yesterday at 759, I think anything over 50 = pregnant. So 759 is high but not shocking given that we transferred a 6 day blastocyst and it's been 12 days since the transfer.
No reason to think it's twins, so I'm thrilled and not scared right now. There is so much to think about, so much to dream over, so much to accomplish between now and when baby is due.... which should be sometime mid-November.
There are still a lot of hurdles to jump, the next blood test on Thursday needs to double and then we'll get an ultrasound in a few weeks to confirm things look good. But somehow it feels like the biggest challenge is out of the way.
I don't have unreasonably rosey expectations that I will sail through this pregnancy but I do believe it will be different from the twin pregnancy. And I'm committed to living in the moment and dealing with one thing at a time. Right now, this feels like the honeymoon period, I'm confident that Hope will continue to grow and the nausea, pain, heartburn, gas and exhaustion hasn't started yet. 
We did it! Hope did it!
I'm a very happy woman ... and incredibly relaxed compared to this time last week. 

Friday, March 7, 2014

The wait is sooooo long

This wait is awful. Imagine your most hormonal period and extend it for weeks, then add a big emotional climax over which you have little to no control.
However, just in case it might make a difference, during this awful wait you are supposed to relax, eat very healthy and basically not participate in a single stress relieving activity - no exercise, no sex, no booze, no sugar, no wheat, little dairy or red meat.
And whether is works or not, it still costs a fortune, in money and in your emotional and physical energy.
I've been an emotional wreck this week, stressed to the limit.
I've been sure that I pregnant and sure that I'm not.
I've been super relaxed and holding on by my fingernails.
I've been praying for Hope and trying to trust.
I've been irrationally angry, had screaming arguments (in my head) with people I love.
This is all hormones and anxiety and stress and I know it will pass to some extent as soon as I know if Hope is still with us next week.
I've tried to post a picture here of our little perfect 19 but for some reason it is not working. So you'll just have to trust me, she is beautiful, shining like a diamond.
I just have to get through another 4.5 days.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Lighter moments

S: look I fixed the straps on my lunch bag.
A: oh yeah, now just don't let Rachel stand in it.
S: is that how it broke? Rachel stood in it and pulled on the straps.
A: well I was carrying her around in it.
So: aaaah hmmm so it's not so much the standing as the carrying that may have been the issue.