Tuesday, December 16, 2014

A Sad Goodbye

I had a really tough afternoon and am still processing things and feeling very sad. We put Pepper down today, she was 15 years old. She has been in a decline for a while now and this past week she almost completely stopped eating.

It made the decision easier as it was an obvious sign that her time was at an end. And yet it was still a choice that I had to make. She wasn't miserable, just sleeping all the time and not eating or drinking, obviously losing weight. I don't think it was the 'right' or 'wrong' choice to put her down, it was a reasonable one and I made it.

I didn't want to watch her slowly starve or try a bunch of treatments to see if we could keep her limping along in life for a little longer. The vet supported the choice.

Actually the vet was very kind and understanding and gave me a lot of time alone with her to cry and say goodbye. I'm glad I had that time, to tell her what a great cat she had been, to love her in that moment even though I haven't had time to love her much these past few years.

She was truly the best cat a person could ask for as far as personality. She knew how to play without using her claws. When she was younger, she would play fetch with little plastic rings. If you threw the ring over her head, she'd jump up to catch it in the air between her paws. She'd ask to play by running up behind you and boxing your legs as she ran past. She loved to be chased.

She loved to be brushed and have people rub her with their feet. She loved feet! Not hands as much.
She knew me and I knew her so well for so long. 14 years together. 11 of those she was my top priority, my precious little friend. We went through so much together, so many moves, the divorce, another cat for a short time, the new family. She absorbed so many of my tears over the years.

I wish these last years had been easier/better ones for her. Once the twins were born Pepper's place in the family changed. She went from the couch and our laps to the floor. She adjusted very well actually but she never regained my attention, wasn't my baby after my babies were born. And her health issues became a burden as did most of her needs. That's what I feel sad about, that I wasn't a better Momma to her in the end.... and yet we did the best we could for her. And I loved her well in the end, loved her and made a choice to spare her a drawn out, uncomfortable end.

She's gone and I'm sad. It'll probably be quite a long time before I stop looking for her in the house.

Goodbye sweet Pepper.