Thursday, February 23, 2017

Sigh.... Best intention lead nowhere

I so wanted to blog regularly, capture the small details on a weekly basis so I could remember them. Because if there is one thing I know it's that we forget all the likely things that make up our lives after time passes.
 The twins are 5! Nearly 5.5! and I forget what is was to have two little toddlers. I don't want to forget what Cierra is like at this age, or any of the previous months of her life or their lives.
I want to bottle them or find a way to capture each nuance of their personalities at 2 and 5... And probably 6 and 7 and 8, etc.
I don't want time to stop time. I wouldn't want to deprive my kids of growing up of becoming adults. I just wish there was a magical way to choose to remember all the details of a specific age or time so that I could sort of relive it again.
Yet I'm sure this was probably part of God's plan, to forget is probably an important part of our humanity, our creation. Perhaps if we were to remember everything, it would be too heartbreaking for us, we would somehow suffer terribly knowing (perfectly recalling) a time that we can never get back. Or we would inevitable lose all touch with our current time or reality when things got hard, because we would choose to immerse ourselves in our memories of better times.
I'm feeling nostalgic and a little sad, can you tell?
I just want to remember how:
Sam can be so wonderfully generous to his sisters these days. Giving them what they need or giving up what he has to comfort them.
Rachel is working so hard to be helpful to me, with Cierra.
Cierra's language has taken a huge leap forward and we are hearing full sentences more often than not as well as sayings that are used in perfect context: "I be right there! Just 2 more minute!" She is loving singing songs and has a repertoire of about 10 songs. She is utterly adorable, just so close to perfection in my eyes.
Sigh, life right now is so beautiful! And so hard! And perfect and needing to change a bit. Funny how it is both all I ever wanted and my own creation and also imperfect and needing to shift a bit. More o that soon hopefully. :)